remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Randomize
