I am puke
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
