before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
