I'm jealous of your bromance
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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