Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
