Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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