I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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