"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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