He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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