There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
