I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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