Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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