Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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