Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Randomize
