i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
