I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
