So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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