Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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