can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
