the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
