I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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