Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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