Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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