I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
