The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
We had sex on a dog bed..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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