addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Randomize
