just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
