k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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