M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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