He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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