his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
