Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
