wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
