Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
