Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
This is classic penis vs brain.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
