I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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