I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
