I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
