yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
