my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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