Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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