I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Randomize
