How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
