If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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