I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
