I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
