living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
