C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
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