Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
