the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Randomize
