Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
