i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
