So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
