This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
