I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my poor anus
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
