apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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