Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
