So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
