You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
false alarm, still single
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
